If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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