atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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