sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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