On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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