don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
