I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
