Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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