New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
