Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
