why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
