So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
