I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
