Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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