My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
