Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
