Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
