So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
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Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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