Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
