hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
