I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
