im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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