I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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