My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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