wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
