it wasn't lemon gatorade
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Two words: nipple clamps
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