Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
