I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
