this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
