you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
