Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize