My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
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you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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