I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
