I wish I could punch you in the face.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
