It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
