bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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