She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
