I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize