Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
