i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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