We named our party play list daddy issues
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
