Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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