You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
