so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
