I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize