Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
