so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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