I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
