New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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