Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
