11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
