I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
cat food counts as protein by the way
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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