I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
