yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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