Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
