I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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