Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
