...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
