apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
no you cant smoke seaweed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
