oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
